What makes us smile? I think that’s a loaded question. You may jump to the conclusion that smiling equates happiness, contentness, warmth even. But there are so many more reasons.
I don’t chase happiness, in and of itself; social scientific research warns us against this. Perhaps this could lead to its opposite: unhappiness. Striving to meet such a relative, subjective state of mind doesn’t seem a promising venture. But to each their own.
I’m just writing from somewhere. A place where I’ve been staring off into the abyss for some time. Happiness is not there, but understanding is; uncertainty is.
But, the smile communicates something. Something dependent upon the culture in which it occurs. People believe in the values of their culture, something that is closely tied to place and identity.
In the U.S., smiling communicates approachability, openness, and a bridge to build fast trust. People build bridges with rapport based on this action. Not so in Japan, where smiling masks sadness, anger, discontent. It is used to convey a lack of intelligence, as a stern, stoic face communicates intelligence and steadfastness. And in Western Europe, smiling can feel uncomfortable, almost insincere.
These are messages from our social behavior that are communicated through this simple action, yet they mean so different things depending on place. It’s important to consider.
In my younger life, as I learned the social world around me, expected behaviors, knowledge I ought to possess, I had learned to use smiling as a means to detract from the insecurities I felt. I believed that if I gave people what they wanted, or trust and warmth in the person they were talking to, I would be able to get along without conflict. I never had a very confrontational disposition.
Sure, smiling wasn’t always that for me. It, too, was a means of expressing genuine rapport, build relationships, communicate that the message was received fully and sincerely. But the overwhelming way I used it was to get by and get along. In this sense, for me, smiling became an institution; one that served a variety of functions.
As I have grown, I have been selective in my usage of the smile. Sometimes it comes out authentically when I connect with an idea. Sometimes it is merely a tool. But that does not devalue its function any less. People are subject to use it in whichever way they choose. If it brings you happiness, I encourage that. It sometimes is that for me. I encourage you to do what brings you joy. But as so often is the case, things are more complicated than they suggests.
Just some thoughts from a peculiar guy,
Jake
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